So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
