My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
