it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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