I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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