It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize