We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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