whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
now i know why i became what i already was.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
