i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
