ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
