take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
false alarm, still single
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
