he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
