no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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