she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
