I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
