Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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