dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
