Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
