Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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