I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
