direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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