i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
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I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
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We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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