You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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