I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
