He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
