She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
