They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
