What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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