when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
