Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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