Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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