i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
