i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
