I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
don't judge my taste in strippers
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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