just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My dick has a subreddit
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
