Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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