are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
