This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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