mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
zippers are such a cool invention
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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