He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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