i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
