I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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