I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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