erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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