your thong is hanging out like whoa
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
