we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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