I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
