It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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