Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
