Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Randomize
