Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
