Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
