The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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