Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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