What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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