worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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