She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize