It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
