All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I wish there were birth control emojis
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
