If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
whose ass print is on the piano?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
