i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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