Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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