he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
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I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
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No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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