If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
