Only a mothe r could love this liver
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
