So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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