She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
