They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
