I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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