everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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