do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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