how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
