It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
