Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
COCAINE IS GR8
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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