people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
