I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
