it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
