OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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